Listen now | Bossplainers have a compulsion to expound on how to do everything. Their behavior is utterly demoralizing because it starts and ends with the assumption that people don’t know what they’re doing. Every error—perceived or real—is blown out of proportion.
You are absolutely right to shy away from “boss.” The words we chose matter. I’m always a little baffled when people insist that individual words aren’t important. They are literally how we communicate. The choice of words sends a message just as much as the combination of words.
Agreed here, too. When team members have referred to me as their “boss” in the past, I’m sure my responses haven’t always been perfectly phrased—but I’ve always made a point to say something (privately) like: “I know what you meant—but I’m not your boss. I’m here to help you succeed.”
I’ve learned just as much from my team as any of them have ever claimed to learn from me.
Do I have more experience? Sometimes. Sometimes not.
Have I been given a title that implies authority? Technically, yes—but it’s something I leverage with caution and care, only when the situation truly calls for it. And those situations are rare.
Theoretically, yes, in the sense that corporate structure says so—but I tend to ignore that.
My perspective?
No, I’m not “above” them. No one is “above” anyone. A title may be higher in a hierarchy, but I resist any language that implies a person is somehow superior to another. Not just because it feels oppressive (though mostly because of that)—but also because it simply isn’t true.
They own their work.
They know the details better than I do.
They bring deep, specific expertise in their domain.
So when someone asks for my opinion, I often flip the script:
“That’s a tough challenge. Tell me where your thinking has led you so far.”
Never to catch them off guard—only to build on their perspective with a “yes, and…” wherever I can.
If they’re truly stuck, I’ll say: “Got it. In that case, here’s my opinion.”
And I’ll explain it as just that—an opinion, supported by my rationale.
Then I ask: “How does that land with you?”
Because my real goal is to empower them to use my input however it’s most helpful to them.
Why? Because growth doesn’t come from deference. It comes from experience, confidence, and being trusted with the authority to make informed decisions.
Do corporations incentivize this style of management? Not in my experience.
That doesn’t stop me—but I do wish companies would explore the power of words:
boss
manager
leader
…among others.
I know which one I aspire to. But when incentives don’t support that distinction—when there’s no investment in meaningful leadership training, and when behaviors aligned with the labels I don’t agree with (e.g., “boss”) are the ones most often rewarded—I find myself scratching my head.
Not just because of the ethical human treatment (though mostly because of that)—but also because it’s simply a smarter business strategy. Investing in people builds sustainable businesses. Bossing them around? That erodes morale, stifles growth, and hurts productivity—and yes, the bottom line too.
At the risk of coming across as overly agreeable, I agree! Your comment is excellent. You might want to consider working it into an essay to publish here on Substack and/or on LinkedIn or other social media platforms. People really need to hear your thoughts.
I've never liked the term "boss." When my team introduces me as such, I cringe. I ask them to say "colleague" or "This is our CEO, Josh..."
Nonetheless, you've given me all the foundational reasons to confirm my dislike for that word and characterization.
You are absolutely right to shy away from “boss.” The words we chose matter. I’m always a little baffled when people insist that individual words aren’t important. They are literally how we communicate. The choice of words sends a message just as much as the combination of words.
Language is how we describe the world around us. It drives our mindset. It absolutely matters.
Agreed here, too. When team members have referred to me as their “boss” in the past, I’m sure my responses haven’t always been perfectly phrased—but I’ve always made a point to say something (privately) like: “I know what you meant—but I’m not your boss. I’m here to help you succeed.”
I’ve learned just as much from my team as any of them have ever claimed to learn from me.
Do I have more experience? Sometimes. Sometimes not.
Have I been given a title that implies authority? Technically, yes—but it’s something I leverage with caution and care, only when the situation truly calls for it. And those situations are rare.
Theoretically, yes, in the sense that corporate structure says so—but I tend to ignore that.
My perspective?
No, I’m not “above” them. No one is “above” anyone. A title may be higher in a hierarchy, but I resist any language that implies a person is somehow superior to another. Not just because it feels oppressive (though mostly because of that)—but also because it simply isn’t true.
They own their work.
They know the details better than I do.
They bring deep, specific expertise in their domain.
So when someone asks for my opinion, I often flip the script:
“That’s a tough challenge. Tell me where your thinking has led you so far.”
Never to catch them off guard—only to build on their perspective with a “yes, and…” wherever I can.
If they’re truly stuck, I’ll say: “Got it. In that case, here’s my opinion.”
And I’ll explain it as just that—an opinion, supported by my rationale.
Then I ask: “How does that land with you?”
Because my real goal is to empower them to use my input however it’s most helpful to them.
Why? Because growth doesn’t come from deference. It comes from experience, confidence, and being trusted with the authority to make informed decisions.
Do corporations incentivize this style of management? Not in my experience.
That doesn’t stop me—but I do wish companies would explore the power of words:
boss
manager
leader
…among others.
I know which one I aspire to. But when incentives don’t support that distinction—when there’s no investment in meaningful leadership training, and when behaviors aligned with the labels I don’t agree with (e.g., “boss”) are the ones most often rewarded—I find myself scratching my head.
Not just because of the ethical human treatment (though mostly because of that)—but also because it’s simply a smarter business strategy. Investing in people builds sustainable businesses. Bossing them around? That erodes morale, stifles growth, and hurts productivity—and yes, the bottom line too.
At the risk of coming across as overly agreeable, I agree! Your comment is excellent. You might want to consider working it into an essay to publish here on Substack and/or on LinkedIn or other social media platforms. People really need to hear your thoughts.
I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to restack your comment.
Thank you doing so! I don’t mind at all!