The Ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus left us this morsel to ruminate on: “Character is destiny.” It’s a well worn and venerable saying, but, frankly, I just can’t agree with him, at least not in our common understanding of his meaning.
Character is the first of the core elements of leadership—the 4 Cs—along with communication, compromise, and collaboration. Your character consists of your values, habits, beliefs, resilience, experiences, and everything else internal that drives or limits your behavior.
My issue with Heraclitus’ saying does not stem from the word “character,” though, but from the word “destiny.” The saying is sometimes translated as: “Character is fate,” the Fates (μοῖρα) being immensely powerful immortals in Greek mythology, but the original is even more complex than that (ἦθος ἀνθρώπῳ δαίμων). Still, I want to focus on how we interpret the saying in the present-day and our understanding of the terms destiny and fate.
Today, we tend to use destiny and fate interchangeably to signify a preordained future, but there are some subtle distinctions between them. For instance, destiny is usually the more optimistic term: “It was her destiny to have a loving marriage and succeed in business.” Fate is, well, more fatalistic: “The Titanic met its fate on its maiden voyage.” Furthermore, fate, as we use it, is usually final, with the suggestion that it has been imposed by some outside force while your destiny is the route of your ongoing journey toward that fate, a journey you help shape.
Here is where I part company with Heraclitus’ saying as we usually interpret it. It puts all the burden of destiny on your poor beleaguered character. Indeed, character can have significant influence over destiny, but it does not control it. For one thing, the start of life does not deal us all the same hand. One person may be dealt a measly jack-high at birth while another starts life with four of a kind. Character can sway how we play those cards, but going from a “royal sampler” to a royal flush takes more than just character or even skill.
And yet we regularly laud those who were dealt life’s best hands from the outset and ignore or even denigrate those who struggle their whole life to achieve a mere ace high. And what of luck throughout the game of life? Even the sharpest poker player has to have a little luck on their side.
Our society heavily favors individuals for their superficial characteristics over their character. That’s why certain traits dominate power centers in our world. For instance, take a look at the current makeup of the U.S. Congress. Do we really believe that men—so overwhelmingly represented there—are that much better at governing than women? You can ask similar questions about CEOs of major corporations or do an analysis of who tends to populate high-paying fields versus who mostly works in the low-wage service sector. And then there is the persistent gender wage gap. And don’t get me going about racial disparities in representation.
It seems so obvious but it bears repeating: distinctions such as gender or race have nothing to do with an individual’s character. Nonetheless, our destinies are heavily directed from the outset, for good or ill, by factors over which we have zero control.
In addition, much of destiny stems from the accidents that accrue throughout a lifetime, and our response to those accidents is often irrelevant to the outcome. If you ever have had to endure mass layoffs, identity theft, or errant meteors, what does your character have to do with that? The same is true for life’s happier accidents, such as winning the lottery. Yes, the strength of your character will affect how you handle happenstance, but being of sound character is not some woo-woo guarantee of a particular life-altering mojo.
In short, the suggestion that our character is the sole arbiter of our destiny puts too much burden on individual qualities as far as I am concerned.
Here’s more sad reality. Being of the most upstanding character can even backfire. Let’s face it, almost no one is ever promoted due primarily to their virtue. Wherever you look, you will find decent and competent humans slogging along just to survive while jerks and scoundrels are launched to the pinnacle of success. Need an example? Again, I reference Congress.
I have long argued that bad is stronger than good and that good must therefore be even smarter and ever vigilant. It’s a tough pill to swallow, I know. I have choked on it many times. In fact, those who stand by their values are rarely rewarded and are frequently disenfranchised or even attacked. In this way, their strong character may shape their destiny for the worse. Need an example of someone whose virtue landed her in a hell on Earth? Now I reference 2023 Noble Peace Prize laureate Narges Mohammadi.
In fact, “Character is destiny,” when taken to its logical extreme, can justify all manner of atrocities because it can give the impression that dominance is itself a mark of virtue. Just not true. For instance, belief in Manifest Destiny led to the displacement and slaughter of millions of Native Americans. Was this barbarity—allegedly “destined”—the result of a mass failure of character in the Indian population? Were their genocidal oppressors paragons of good character? “Character is destiny” would suggest so.
Moreover, while Heraclitus’ “Character is destiny” sounds good in theory, trying to squeeze all the highs and lows of life into one little container called “character” is too much. And yes character can have some influence on how you address your lot in life, but that is only part of your life story.
Maybe I am being a bit hard on poor Heraclitus who’s not even here to defend himself. Surely his wisdom got lost in translation, and important nuances have certainly been obscured by the fog of time. But here’s the thing: as we interpret it now, his little saying, howsoever pithy and superficially appealing, stinks. If we pin all of life’s twists and turns of destiny on personal character, we must then be at fault whenever things go wrong even when they are utterly out of our control. How, then, can we forgive ourselves? Heraclitus leaves no room for even a little self-compassion, which is neither realistic nor fair.
We are not perfect. Nor should we pretend to be. Therefore, our personal character cannot bear every burden. Certainly, live your true values to the fullest but don’t expect that to be enough. Be sure to mix in a healthy dose of self-compassion when your destiny goes sideways. Indeed, the finest and strongest character always includes plenty of self-compassion.
Hmm. Now that I think about it, in that sense, perhaps Heraclitus was not so far off the mark.
What sort of burden do you put on your character and the character of others? How readily do you practice self-compassion?
Great leaders need to remain self-aware, self-forgiving, and realistic about the determiners of destiny, and I can help.
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Character Is Destiny . . . What a Crock!