If I don't do it, you know somebody else will
How well do you live up to your own self-image?
One thing I can assert without fear of contradiction (except by the acutely delusional) is that humans are easily deluded. And, as with all fine things in life, our delusion starts at home, with the self.
One of our most powerful self-delusions is that we are, each and every one of us, somehow extra-specially good. We imagine we are like snowflakes, no two alike, but when was the last time you cared about the minuscule differences of snowflakes?
Yes, I know that not every individual every day feels so special and that there are conditions and pathologies that may inspire some to always imagine the precise opposite, but even then at times a tinge of that extra-specially specialness crops up. Perhaps it manifests in such hits as “woe is me. No one has ever had it so bad,” but there it is.
And there exist some obvious reasons for all this self-delusion. I am not a psychologist, but I see one on a regular basis and can tell you that psychological theories abound. For the unanointed, though, it comes down to a simple fact: we’re all up in our own heads. And good thing too. Who else’s head would you be up in, assuming you are not a shrink, brain surgeon, or COVID tester?
Which all brings us all to what it’s all about. We each think that deep down inside, when we have finally peeled the layers of our particular onion nature to its core, we will find a creamy nougat center that we call goodness.
But is that true? Is everyone good at the core? I want you now to think about ________ (fill in the name of your favorite elected official). You and I both know that this paragon of political productivity is really good inside. Oh, sure, there is the occasional slip up — the compromise that goes too far, the rumors of gropings past — but those are but peccadillos in the face of our knowledge that _______ (fill in the name of your favorite elected official) is truly good at the core and, just like you, complete with that creamy nougat center. Yum.
Now think of ________ (fill in the name of the elected official you hate most). Clearly ________ (fill in the name of the elected official you hate most) has no core, at least not the way ________ (fill in the name of your favorite elected official) does. Peel back the onion layers of ________ (fill in the name of the elected official you hate most), and you won’t find any nougat. You might find a rotted pulp at best. Yuk. No, there is no goodness here.
Whatever the case with distant politicians, you know, just know that you are a good person, right? Yes, like ________ (fill in the name of your favorite elected official), you have your shortcomings, but deep down your goodness glows. And what do these little acts and behaviors we call flaws or failings or felonies matter anyway? They are superficial, etherial, the stuff of an instant, fleeting responses to fleeting circumstances, the things that just need to be done even if you’d rather not, defensive reactions to the bad things others do, the only means to achieve your goals, unavoidable actions that are completely offset by all the good you do, and so on.
Besides, if you did not do these things, as unfortunate as they are, someone else would, and that would be worse because that person may not be truly good inside, which you know you are because you have told yourself so. The musician, songwriter, and all around bounder Dr. John the Nitetripper expressed this very sentiment perfectly in reasoning why he was morally obligated to seduce his best friend’s girl: “If I don't do it, you know somebody else will.” Quite.
I know how all this works because I have made such excuses for myself many times although not as much in the context of seducing women as simply rationalizing what I know is wrong by convincing myself that I am truly good inside. What do you think? Am I? Does it matter what I am inside if my choices, my actions, and my behaviors — all that stuff on the outside — are otherwise? Is goodness measured by our intentions and our inner beliefs and our self-images or by the trail we leave behind as we plow through life? Ask yourself, “am I (meaning you, not me) leaving behind a trail of woe or of wonder?”
A Tale of a Trail of Woe
Many years ago when I was living in Baltimore, I once aggressively and without warning confronted the leader of my local neighborhood association during a community meeting. He was doing very bad things and needed to be stopped, to be sure, but was I right to publicly ambush him? I know he was convinced that he was a really great guy doing really great things because he told everyone so constantly, but I also knew he was hurting our neighborhood. By verbally assailing him in public, was I any better, though? I told myself that I was a good guy doing good work, but did my intended end justify my means? The upshot? My comeuppance, if you will? My act mainly caused others to rally to him as a victim. Wah-wah🎵.
So we all think we are really good. That guy in the meeting thought that he was really good even though all evidence indicated otherwise. I was convinced I was really good even though I was acting like a dick. I was trying to expose corruption, but it all backfired when I went against my own principles of fair play. I was no leader. I was just another neighborhood crank with complaints. Even if I had succeeded in stopping him, where was my integrity? It took incredible outer strength for me to confront him like that, but doing so exposed my inner weakness, my lack of character. I was nothing more than a hypocritical wimp.
A Simple Rule for Simple Leadership
Here is a simple rule for leaders. Leave behind the stuff you may be doing at the moment. Abandon the choices you have made. Cast aside your past decisions. Forget the actions you are most proud of along with those that make you cringe. Put all that muddle away for now.
Focus on one question. Who are you at your core? I am going to guess you are a good person, right? You want to be good. You are motivated by goodness. You want to do good. You want to leave a trail of wonder, not woe. You want your integrity to always be intact. You value and long for that purity of spirit.
Now, here is the interesting part. It will seem so basic, so easy, and yet will be the greatest challenge of your life. A paradox.
If you want to be a great leader, just be that person you are at your core all the time. Merely be exactly who you think you are.
That’s it. It’s so easy to say and so hard to do. But its pursuit is the stuff of the greatest leaders.
So just start here. Strip out all your decisions and errors and successes of the past. They don’t define you. Whatever the case, whether you have left a trail of woe or wonder behind, start a new trail. Strive to leave nothing but a trail of wonder from now on. I can assure you that you will err, but you can always learn and correct. What actions will you need to take to stay the course? What paths should you avoid? How must you act? It is only in living and doing as the person you know you are at your core that you can actually be the person you are at your core.
Be the person you think you are.
What is your self-image? How well do you live up to it?
To be a great leader, you must consciously, persistently, and consistently live up to your own self-image, and I can help. Click below for your free consultation and gift.
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