When you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Be still.
Oprah Winfrey
In the action-packed universe of movies and TV shows, we watch as fearless characters make a split-second decision before leaping heedlessly into the unknown. You know those thrilling scenes where the action hero launches off a cliff or out a window with no awareness of what lies below only to gracefully alight on an unseen ledge. These fictional heroes and heroines’ greatest virtue is boldness—bordering on recklessness—and their impulsiveness is usually rewarded as though impetuousness is the best path to success.
However, in the reality of everyday human existence, how frequently do we face such stark and immediate choices that demand instant action? And when we do act thoughtlessly in such situations, how often does it turn out a-ok?
I have a vivid memory from a crowded corner of Washington, DC, that has stuck with me for years. It involved a small puppy darting across a busy intersection as a car approached. In the ensuing chaos, bystanders cried out as the puppy ineffectually scrambled for safety. Suddenly, two nearby individuals lunged into the street with heroic but feckless exuberance. They had no chance at saving the dog. Luck was on their side, though. I was too far away to act but close enough to see the driver’s panicked face as she jammed on the brakes just in time, sparing the puppy and the two rash heroes.
Now let’s tweak this scenario. Imagine the same events unfolding, but this time the driver is oblivious to the commotion occurring before her and does not hit the brakes. This time, as before, our two champions dive in front of the car in a vain attempt to snatch the puppy from harm. The likely outcome: severe injuries for our valiant would-be rescuers and the puppy’s fate sealed.
In hindsight, the noble-minded and heroic behavior of those two who sprang into action, howsoever commendable, was undeniably imprudent. They had no realistic chance of saving the dog and so risked their own wellbeing for a hopeless cause. And while many of us were too far to do anything, there were others much closer who also stood frozen—perhaps more fearful than wise. For some reason, though, just those two individuals were brave enough or foolish enough to respond despite the danger and the futility. As for the dog owner, she was the young woman standing on the corner with a leash bundled in her hand screaming her head off the whole time.
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This story brings to mind Oprah Winfrey’s advice that “When you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Be still.” Admittedly, her suggestion is not so much about such urgent choices—leap or don’t leap—but more about decisions that demand deliberation.
No matter the scenerio—urgent or not—when faced with vexing dilemmas, it can be wisest to do nothing at all.
Most commonly, though, leaders’ decisions do not have anything to do with emergencies.
Nevertheless, they often struggle with internal and external pressures to act swiftly and decisively even when time for contemplation is available. In doing so, they forego the option of doing nothing at all, of being still.
To be sure, I am not advocating for maintaining the status quo or trying to scramble for the warm safety of one’s comfort zone, which can both be traps that are rarely the best choice.
What I am talking about instead is our need to maintain the ability and willingness to sit with a decision, as Oprah suggests, as an invaluable option. Stillness stifles impulsivity and fosters deliberation, which is critical to proper decision making, while the compulsion to act impulsively may fit the leader image but more often serves the leader poorly.
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Here’s another recollection. When my niece was about two years old, my wife and I were visiting with her at her grandmother’s place. Her grandmother had purchased a blow-up vinyl seat for the toddler and insisted she sit in it. The problem was that the toy chair was far too unstable for the little girl to balance. At one point, she tilted precariously with her head aimed right at a large rocking chair. I could have made a diving lunge to catch her, but I hesitated. The rocking chair stood between us, and any attempt to catch her would almost certainly cause more harm than a knock on the noggin.
I chose not to act—I was still—and sure enough, she bumped her head—a minor injury accompanied by major tears. The good news was that the incident ended, once and for all, the ill-fated experiment with the blow-up seat, but my mother-in-law was furious that I did not even attempt to catch her granddaughter, no matter how risky that would have been. I felt horrible at what happened to my niece, but I stand by my choice, which spared her worse harm.
Maybe I sound callous. Maybe I should have bolted toward the puppy or flung myself into the rocking chair no matter the outcome. That’s what society and all those action movies tell us we should do. To be clear, it’s not like I have never intervened to prevent harm even at risk to myself. Sometimes, though, we must restrain ourselves and resist the urge to act impulsively and just be still. Most often acting for the sake of appearing proactive—for the opportunity to say “at least I did something”—is neither wise nor effective and can, in fact, cause far more harm than good.
This is especially true for leaders. Action for the sake of acting looks courageous, but leadership frequently requires the superior courage to be still, to resist the pressure to act recklessly or prematurely, and sometimes just do nothing at all. In those moments, not giving into impulse and demands to act is the mark of true leadership. Being still, just being, must remain available as a crucial option for leaders as they as they make decisions of all sorts. Being still, just like jumping into action, is still a choice.
How often do you choose to be still rather just acting? What results when you just stay still?
Leaders must develop a full range of options to make choices, and I can help.
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aW
When You Are Just Being Still, You Are Still Choosing