You shouldn’t take it so personal
Okay, it’s time that I face the music. For nearly four years, I’ve been doling out mounds of advice on how to be a great leader, blathering on about integrity, transparency, and—for some reason—pillows along with all the other magical, mystical things that go into great leadership.
But, I have to admit. I’m finding that topic awfully limiting of late. Sure, it’s wonderful to talk about great leadership, and I’ve loved my audience and admired their ambition to be the best of the best. That said, though—and it’s tough for me to admit this—there just aren’t that many of you.
It’s time I switch my allegiance and expand my reach to a much bigger crowd, one teaming with mindless ambition, baseless pride, and bottomless avarice. That’s right, this one isn’t for the rare servant leader. It’s for the superabundant self-serving boss! You know who you are—the top dogs, the fat cats.
So let’s pluck some of that low-hanging fruit and help you head honcho-types out there to up your bossing game.
Out with the Gold, and in with the Poo
Now before we dive into the finer points of bully bossing, we need to clear the air. Bossing ain’t leading. At least as I mean it. Bossing takes a vainglorious attitude, combines it with self-serving behaviors, and tops it off with a little abuse of power. In contrast, true leaders are those imprudent few out there who want to cling to outdated notions, such as being decent or building teams.
If you choose to be a leader, that’s your funeral. Just don’t flaunt your sickening competence and appalling moral decency in front of actual bosses! Real bosses—los jefes supremos—have it going on! Being el numero uno means ruling with an iron fist to protect that eggshell of an ego, cáscara de huevo de un ego. And, the best part is that bossing is easy-peasy-quick-and-greasy compared to trying to actually lead—you know, like by putting others before you, doing what’s best for everyone, and all that other old-timey noble nonsense.
The Personal Is the Point
So, let’s get down to it. There are a lot of ways to boss. Just being nasty and self-important will take you far for sure, but the magic ingredient to being the grand pooh-bah is this:
Take everything personally.
And, I mean everything!
And that’s pretty much the whole trick. Things go well? Steal the credit. Things go poorly? Play the victim: “oh woe is me!” Make it all about you. Do this often enough and you’ll soon own all your team members!
Now to be clear, by “own” I don’t mean—lord forbid—that you would take ownership, aka responsibility. Hell no! That’s not good bossing practice at all! Leave that BS to the leaders. No, I mean you will own them, like you would own a Mercedes or a set of golf clubs. If, though, for some reason you are squeamish about the notion of owning another human being, think about it more as the way a bully owns a mark.
The idea is that you assure you’re the center of their universe. That your mass is so, well, massive that your lackeys…I mean team members…find themselves locked in close orbit around you like minor asteroids to a gas giant. Then make it clear that to leave your orbit would be to launch into the cold, dark void of space, which could make for the start of a pretty good movie but is a lousy career move.
In this way, by taking everything personally, you become the single most important thing in their pathetic little universe. That’s what it means to own them, to be their undisputed kingfish!
Bossing Outside the C-Suite
But all this victim-playing and credit-stealing is not just for bigwigs. Remember that every great boss—even the big kahuna—had to start somewhere. You don’t actually think the mighty muckety-mucks waited to start chanting “look at me” and “woe is me” until they got their key to the executive toilet, do you? No! They were on track toward that private parking space long before.
Don’t hesitate to make things personal. If there’s even just one direct report under you, great! You can get right on it now. Go ahead and practice breaking their spirit by taking it all personally. To become that stellar boss you’ll need self-dedication, monomaniacal perseverance, and a moral compass that always points back to you—the polestar—so get going with whatever underlings you have! Start out by making mountains out of every molehill and every mountain into a personal affront and be sure to habitually swipe credit for their work.
Here’s another pro tip. Whether you’re at the top of the pecking order or are a lowly assistant manager, you can leverage inappropriate emotional outbursts for some really powerful personalizing. Consider boosting your performative victimhood by crying when things don’t go your way. Your unprofessionalism will be disarming to the empathic and other weaklings. Or maybe weeping isn’t your bag, so try the ever-popular angry eruption, the more unexpected and misplaced the better. Or use the silent act—just refuse to speak to certain people. Don’t even let them know why for some added torment. Feel free to experiment by mixing it up.
When it comes to such gratuitous expressions of solipsism, I always say, “to each their own,” so whatever it takes, really get your emotions in on it, but be sure to keep on being true to your inner nabob—dry-eyed or moist, loud-mouthed or quiet—just so long as you take everything personally. You’ll see. In no time you’ll be The Top Man (or The Top Woman), crushing the spirit of not just your direct reports, but of the entire organization.
Your Choice: Self-Doubt or the World in Your Orbit
Maybe at this point you’re doubting if this sort of bossing is right for you. If so then, the answer is decidedly “no.” Going personal is all about being self-centered, not self-aware. If having the world revolve around you isn’t instantly appealing, you’re going to really struggle as a boss.
After all, what’s not to love about never having to take constructive criticism, never concerning yourself with personal growth, ruling over a culture of tension and fear, leaving messes for peons to mop up, hijacking praise for everyone else’s work, and never having to face the truth of who you are?
So if you’re still on the fence about becoming the consummate boss, I wonder about your commitment to the cause and cult of taking things personally. What sort of perversity drives you? If you can’t make it all about you, then who the hell’s it about? Do you really prefer self-reflection, concern for others, and taking genuine responsibility? Do you really believe you ain’t all that?
If so, you sound like a leader rather than a boss, so good luck and all. I hope you have tenacity, temerity, and integrity out the wazoo because you’re gonna need them!
As for the rest of you, the massive majority of delightfully amoral bosses and aspiring bosses, the world is your oyster! It’s all about you!
As you clamber up your ladder, though, be aware. The air is dangerously thin up there, which will deprive your brain of oxygen.
Then again, who needs brains when you have power? And don’t forget that it can get lonely at the top no matter how many lackeys’ shoulders you perch upon. Of course, who needs human connection when you have a title? Over time you’ll leave a lot of sewage in your wake, but if you refuse to take it on but still take it all personally—like a miracle—it’ll become someone else’s problem; you’ll rarely get filthy. That’s true bossing! Now rev up that ego and get to it! The world really needs more bad bosses.
Amirite?
How often are you tempted to take things personally? Do you ever imagine that you’re the indispensable person in a situation?
Great leaders learn to put their egos aside to serve the greater good, and I can help.
Unlock the Great Leader Within! Download my free resource, the Transform To GREATness Toolkit, now!
I look forward to hearing from you.
Intro and outro podcast theme music by LiteSaturation from Pixabay.
Check out these pages to invite me speak at your event or appear on your podcast:
Check out my Speaker’s Page
Check out my Podcast Guest Page
How to Personalize Your Bossing by Centering the Self