When in doubt, tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.
Mark Twain
Those of you who regularly read my essays will know that I can be a wee bit cynical about bosses and the general state of bossing in our world. It is not that I think all bosses are bad — after all, I spent many years as a boss — but over decades I have had a series of bosses that ran from utterly mediocre to galactically bad with one major exception. It just doesn’t have to be this way.
One of the worst habits of horrendous bosses is a propensity to lie, mislead, bullshit, and gaslight. Whether such prevarication is due to self-deception or outright malevolence is of little importance when you are on the receiving end of falsehoods. Also, while bosses may have to conceal information due to legal or other obligations, doing so should be infrequent and never part of a project to mislead.
For fun and to get new year off to a rip-roaring start, I have decided to collect a few of the whoppers that bosses have told me and others over the years. I list them in four categories followed by the truth behind the lie: the truth translation. Think of this as a Lies-to-Truth Glossary.
All of the lies I list are indistinguishable from the truth, which is how deception works, right? A lie is no good if everyone readily recognizes it for what it is. So, while all the items here turned out to be falsehoods — promises never kept or flat out fabrications — there is no reason these could not have been statements of truth.
Except they weren’t.
Commonplace BS
Classic, everyday lies for all occasions
“No problem at all. I’ll handle it.”
translation: Nothing will ever happen on this front. Ever!
“Maybe.”
trans.: No.
“I’ll take this project off your hands for a while until you get through this rough patch.”
trans.: You will never touch this project again.
“I really appreciate all the work you are doing.”
trans.: I expect you to keep working like a dog for no reward or any acknowledgement beyond this lie.
“Let’s keep talking about your idea.”
trans.: I never want to hear mention of your idea again.
“I really want to do this for you, but then I would have to do it for everyone.”
trans.: I don’t want to do this for you.
“Let’s keep this just between you, me, and the walls.”
trans.: I am telling everyone this, and what I tell you may itself even be a lie.
Your Professional Stakes
Lies that affect your job status or career
“I have your back on this.”
trans.: You are dead meat.
“You have absolute authority on this project.”
trans.: You have absolute responsibility and virtually no authority.
“People are very upset with your decision.”
trans.: I am upset with your decision. I neither know nor care what others think.
“I expected much more from you.”
trans.: I expected you to fold to my bullying like a wet noodle.
“I hope you’re happy here.”
trans.: Please leave.
“We will miss you.”
trans.: Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
Gaslighting from on High
Lies to keep middle management and staff in their place, the stuff of corruption
“We are all one big family.”
trans.: You are children, and I am a dysfunctional parent.
“We will solicit everyone’s input before deciding.”
trans.: We will do whatever we want no matter what you think and will also use your candid opinions against you.
“The higher ups are still working on the details, so I can’t tell you much about it.”
trans.: The decision has been made, and you will not like it.
“I will tell you this, but you cannot share it with your staff.”
trans.: When it hits the fan with your staff, I intend to blame you.
The Big Meta-lies
Lying about lying
“I have no reason to lie.”
trans.: I am lying at this very moment.
“I told your colleagues what they needed to hear, but I am going to tell you the truth because I think you can handle it.”
trans.: I told your colleagues one lie, and now I will tell you a different lie.
“I will not tolerate lying.”
trans.: I hate being deceived, but I will not hesitate to deceive you.
“I would never lie to you.”
trans.: I am lying at this very moment.
Perhaps you have heard these lies yourself. Perhaps you have others to add. Perhaps you are lucky and have had nothing but honest bosses, which does happen I hear. Tell me your experiences in a comment or an email.
Even when a boss is fundamentally honest, a promise might not manifest, but a good boss will own responsibility for that fault with apologies all around. Good bosses know that all deception is heinous, even seemingly benign deception, and it is never okay to deceive adult professionals with the misguided excuse that you are protecting them from bad news. The worse situation is when a boss expects others to tell a lie on their behalf. Whenever that happened to me, I always found workarounds, sometimes at great personal cost.
The thing is, it does not have to be this way, which is my point. These statements do not need to be lies, and if they are lies, they don’t need to be said. A boss who lies, even a little — even for a supposedly good cause — is using their position to get over on an underling.
Bosses who lie are bullies.
Bosses who bully are incompetent.
Do I sound preachy here?
You betcha.
What is the role of lying in your workplace? Is it prevalent or rare? Do others participate in deception through concealment or outright falsehoods? Do you ever find yourself participating? How can you resist?
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Lies My Bosses Told Me